Back To Reality
by Alobear
Summary: Taking liberties with the idea of what Dean and Benny 'did' in purgatory, what if Dean came back with a somewhat different attitude to their continuing association? Pairing: Slash - Dean/Benny
1. Chapter 1

Back to Reality

by

Alobear

Author's Note: This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to be done with Supernatural. There are people waiting for stories in other fandoms. I thought Benny would be satisfied with the last story I wrote – True Blood Brother – but apparently he isn't. So, here's a fix to the start of Season Eight for Benny. Blame the vampire. I know I do. He likes it. Okay, shutting up now...

Warnings: Spoilers for Season Eight, Episode One and anything related to purgatory throughout Season Eight, plus probably a few references to things that happened in previous seasons as well. Things transpire somewhat differently in my version of the start of Season Eight, though, so this is AU. Also, this is a talk-y one – a 'side-of-the-road heart-to-heart' type, rather than a 'blood-and-guts' type, so don't be expecting much in the way of action-adventure. Lastly, I am so far from being able to accurately replicate Benny's speech patterns in text that I haven't even tried, so you'll just have to imagine the accent.

Pairings: Dean/Benny (dear lord, I'm writing vampire porn...)

Rating: Nothing graphic in either the violence or the sex categories – sorry if the porn reference above got your hopes up!

Summary: Taking liberties with the idea of what Dean and Benny 'did' in purgatory, what if Dean came back with a somewhat different attitude to their continuing association?

XXXXX

Chapter One – Together Again

Dean stood over the open grave, looking down at the skeleton he had revealed. It had taken him four days to get there, and darkness had closed in around him as he neared his destination. He had decided not to wait for daylight to complete his task, though; he had waited long enough. He took a knife from his belt and drew back his sleeve to expose the mass of writhing red energy just beneath the skin of his forearm. He sliced the knife across it, grimacing at the pain, then held his arm over the grave and spoke the words of the ritual as the energy streamed out of his flesh and enveloped the skeleton.

And suddenly Benny was there, standing in the scrub a few feet away, real and in the flesh. Dean stared at him for moment, drinking in the sight of him. He felt awkward, as if the fact they were now in the human realm might make things different between them.

"Wow, that was fast," he said, for want of anything better.

"No thanks to you," Benny replied, his usually soft tones harshened into a growl. "What the hell took you so long?"

"You're welcome," Dean muttered, hiding his uncertainty with sarcasm. He wondered why Benny was still standing so far away, but didn't want to make himself vulnerable by asking.

Benny smiled and rolled his head from side to side, cracking his neck.

"Everything working?" Dean was getting frustrated with the inanity of the encounter so far. They had escaped purgatory, he had brought Benny back from the dead, and now they were standing in the middle of nowhere, exchanging pleasantries. He stood his ground, waiting for Benny to make the first move.

"Good enough," Benny replied, snarling and showing his vampire teeth.

Then, he took two quick steps forward and grabbed Dean's hand. Finally given an opening, Dean pulled him into a fierce hug

"We made it," Benny said softly, his breath tickling Dean's ear. "I can't believe it."

"You and me both," Dean replied, relishing the feel of Benny against his body after their enforced separation.

They'd been practically in each other's pockets for the better part of a year, so the solitary trip from the portal exit to Benny's grave site had been horribly lonely. It had also been very tense. Dean had been on edge the whole way, expecting monsters to jump out from behind every tree, and Benny hadn't been there to back him up. Of course, the monsters hadn't been there, either, but his habits from purgatory were proving very difficult to shift. Dean pushed Benny away from him slightly and held his gaze for a long moment, then leaned in and kissed him hard. He felt a reassuring answering need from Benny but, when they broke apart, there was concern in the vampire's eyes.

"You okay, Dean?" he asked.

"I am now," Dean said, his voice rough. "I missed you."

"Doesn't feel like more than two shakes to me since we were back in purgatory," Benny said. "Guess I got the better end of the deal, hitching a ride."

Dean looked at him askance. "So, when you were chewing me out a minute ago about taking too long..."

"Just yanking your chain," Benny said with a smirk, dodging away as Dean aimed a mock punch at him.

"Say," he continued, glancing around as if suddenly remembering something, "did the angel bug out again already?"

In his mind's eye, Dean flashed back to Cas' face, staring up at him in anguish, as their hands pulled apart and the portal closed, leaving Cas behind. He pushed the memory away forcibly, and drew Benny to him again.

"I don't want to talk about him," he said, fisting his hands in the fabric of Benny's jacket.

"Talking's over-rated, anyway," Benny replied.

There were no more words for some time.

XXXXX

Later, they lay in the grass, looking up at the night sky above them. Dean marvelled at the richness of the velvety black, studded with countless stars. The endless, unchanging half light of purgatory had been a torture of tedium, and the novelty of the real world cycle of day and night hadn't yet worn off. Beside him, Benny chuckled.

"What's funny?" Dean asked.

"Having sex on my grave," Benny said, turning his head to look at Dean. "That's pretty twisted, brother."

Dean smirked back. "Not as twisted as you calling me that. I already have a brother, and that's most definitely not what I want from you."

Benny rolled up onto one elbow, reaching out with the other hand to trace an intricate pattern down Dean's bare chest.

"Speaking of your brother," he said slowly. "What's he going to say about you turning up with me in tow."

"Nothing good," Dean said, closing his eyes against the barrage of conflicting feelings that flooded him. Now that Benny was alive and whole again, finding Sam was his top priority, but he didn't know how he was going to explain anything about purgatory to his brother, especially the fact that he had hooked up with a vampire. He turned his head to face Benny, his jaw set.

"Doesn't matter, though. He's just gonna to have to get used to it. And, if he can't, well, we'll cut him loose." The words shocked him as they came out of his mouth, not least because he knew they were true. After all they had gone through in purgatory, Dean wasn't about to give Benny up, just because he was afraid of what Sam might think.

He was distracted from this line of thought by Benny nuzzling his neck.

"Mmmm," Benny murmured. "You smell good enough to eat."

Dean shifted away, swatting at the vampire with his hand. "Hey, hey," he said. "Don't get any ideas. I am not your personal snack bar."

He'd been wondering when the issue of Benny's hunger might come up and had been hoping it wouldn't be this soon. It hadn't been an problem in purgatory, since neither of them had needed to eat to sustain themselves there, but of course that wouldn't be the case now they were back in the human realm. Dean knew from personal (albeit brief) experience what the hunger for blood was like, and how hard it was to resist, and he realised it was something they'd have to plan carefully for on their travels.

Benny was regarding him seriously. "Don't worry," he said. "It may have been a while, but I've managed the hunger before. I stopped killing humans long before I ended up in purgatory. It won't be easy, but I'm not gonna welch on our agreement."

He froze suddenly and cocked his head as if listening. Then he reached out with lightning speed and grabbed something from the grass. When he brought his hand back round, it held a squirming rodent. Dean scrabbled backwards in surprise, then regarded Benny with disgust.

"You're not seriously gonna...?" He didn't want to finish the sentence, let alone witness the act.

Benny grinned, bringing his vampire teeth down over his human ones. "Welcome to the realities of keeping me on the straight and narrow," he said.

Mercifully, he then turned away before actually embarking upon his meal, though Dean could still hear the squeaking, the crack of tiny bones, and the sucking noise of Benny draining the rat dry. He shivered in the night air. Things were going to be very different now they were out of purgatory.

XXXXX

They slept for a couple of hours, but the rising sun in their exposed location woke them early. Benny hissed as he squinted into the light, and scrabbled for some shade.

"Oh, hey," Dean said, reaching for the rucksack he'd stolen from the campers up in Maine. "I got you something."

He searched around inside the bag, and came up with a small bundle, which he tossed to Benny.

The vampire caught it deftly and unwrapped it to reveal a flat cap and some thick sunglasses. He put both on immediately, heaving a sigh a relief as they significantly reduced the glare. He grinned over at Dean.

"Always thinking ahead," he said. "Thanks. How far d'you have to come to get me, anyway?"

Dean grimaced. "The portal spat me out in the middle of nowhere up in Maine. Took me four days to get all the way down here. And it'll take at least that for us to get where I'm planning to try and meet up with Sam."

Benny stretched, popping his shoulder joints. "Well, I appreciate you making the detour, friend," he said.

"I figured you're probably worth it," Dean replied with a smile. "Though I'll expect you to earn your keep on the way. How're your pool skills?"

"My what?" Benny looked confused.

"Pool," Dean repeated. "As in hustling. That's how I got enough money to eat on the journey. Though it very nearly backfired in a couple of places; I'm a bit rusty, so losing the first few games wasn't so much of an act as usual."

It had actually been more than a little nerve-wracking, running the pool con on his own. Win or lose, there was always the risk that his opponents might take exception to being duped, or to the fact that he didn't have enough money to pay his debts. Even with his honed fighting skills from purgatory, or perhaps because of them, Dean had been very wary of getting in over his head. Facing down multiple opponents in a bar could have easily led to a very big mess; either because they landed a lucky shot, or more likely because he accidentally killed one of them, taking the fight too far on instinct.

"I'm afraid I'm no great shakes at a pool table," Benny admitted. "But I'm betting there are other ways I can help supplement our income. They still do cage fighting in these modern times?"

Dean looked at him appraisingly. "Cage fighting? Isn't that a bit risky? What if you get hurt?"

Benny showed his teeth. "Pretty hard to hurt me," he said. "Besides, I heal quick. And it's sight more honest than hustling pool."

"Using vampire speed and strength to win a cage fight is more honest than pretending to suck at pool?" Dean countered. "You just keep telling yourself that."

He heaved himself to his feet and put his t-shirt on, then held out a hand to pull Benny up, too.

"So, this is your land?" he asked, looking around.

"Was," Benny corrected. His eyes were shadowed, as if haunted by bad memories. "A long time ago. Doesn't look like anyone's been taking care of the place while I've been gone."

"I guess things must have changed in fifty years, huh?" Dean said. "But you presumably still know which way to town."

Benny looked a little uncomfortable. "What do you need in town?" he asked.

"Pay phone for one," Dean explained. "Now that I've got you back, I need to call Sam and let him know I'm alive. The way things happened back at SucroCorp, chances are he doesn't even know where I ended up. He must have been tearing his hair out trying to figure it out, especially with Bobby gone." He thought about all the friends and allies they'd lost over the years. "With me and Cas disappearing on him like that, he'd pretty much have no-one left."

Benny put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "Hardly your fault," he said.

"Yeah, I know," Dean said heavily. "But still... I didn't try calling him before, because I knew I'd have to come down to Louisiana to raise you, but now it's time." He searched Benny's expression and saw lingering reluctance. "How come you don't want to go to town?"

Benny gestured at his open grave. "Things didn't exactly end well for me here," he said.

It was Dean's turn to offer reassurance. "Hey, man, that was fifty years ago. You don't seriously think there'd be anyone still around who'd recognise you, do you?"

Benny looked unconvinced. "Vampires have long lives, Dean, and long memories to go with them."

"They're not gonna be wandering around first thing in the morning, though, are they? Even if they are still here, which I doubt." Dean offered up a grin. "Besides, I hardly recognise you in that hat, so I think you're safe for long enough for me to make a couple of calls. Then we'll hit the road and leave this place far behind us, I promise."

Benny shrugged. "Okay," he said. "Follow me."

They made their way back down the track Dean had trudged up alone the night before. The sun was bright overhead, making the surrounding landscape seem much more welcoming than it had in the dark. Dean also felt much more relaxed now he had Benny back at his side again. He felt as if they'd be able to face whatever they encountered, now they were together.

All he had to face for the time being, though, was a phone booth, which they came across at the side of the road on the outskirts of town, outside a dilapidated gas station. Dean rootled around in his jeans pocket and came up with some change. He dialled the first of Sam's numbers that came to mind and his heart lurched at the sound of Sam's voice, even on the voicemail recording.

"Hey, Sam, it's Dean," he started, then paused as if waiting for a reaction. "Yeah, I know. I'll explain everything when I see you, but I'm really back - again. I don't know where you are or what you're doing, but I'm heading up to Rufus' cabin, so I'll meet you there as soon as you can make it." He paused again, as he realised something. "Crap," he continued. "I've got no clue what the date is. Sorry, I guess your voicemail will tell you when I left this message. I'm in Louisiana right now, so it'll take me a few days to get up to the cabin." He felt the message spiralling out of his control, as they were wont to do in weird situations like this. "I, uh, guess I'll see you soon. I hope, anyway. So, bye."

He hung up the phone, cringing at how lame he must have sounded, and actually hoping Sam didn't use that phone any more. Before calling any other numbers, he went into the gas station, where a sleepy girl behind the counter practically ignored him, and bought a local paper, a couple of bottles of water and some snacks. Benny loitered outside all the while, looking wildly suspicious in his hat and sunglasses.

Dean went back to the pay phone and called all the other numbers he could remember, though at least half of the ones he tried were out of service, which didn't bode well. When he did get through, it was always to voicemail, but his messages got shorter and more coherent as he went on, and eventually he was out of numbers to try. He rejoined Benny in the shade of a large tree on the other side of the street.

"Mission accomplished?" Benny asked.

Dean shrugged. "I left a bunch of messages," he said. "There's no way to know if and when he picks any of them up, since I don't have a number he can call back. There's a cabin up in Montana where we've holed up a few times, so I said we'd meet him there."

Benny gave a low whistle. "Montana's a long way from here, Dean."

"No further than I just travelled to get here," Dean said. "The cabin's a safe place Sam and I both know. And it's just possible he's been using it as a base all this time."

"So, how do you propose we get to Montana?" Benny asked.

Dean considered for a moment. "Well, hitching's only gonna be harder now there's two of us, and it'll really slow us down. Much as I hate to deprive some poor schmuck of his wheels, I think we're gonna have to steal a car."

"Well, if you're gonna beat yourself up about it, I remember there was a scrap yard a couple of miles over, back in the day," Benny said. "We might be able to find ourselves something there, assuming it still exists."

"Good thinking," Dean said. "It'll make it less likely anyone's gonna chase us, too, which can only be a good thing."

He went back into the gas station and used almost all his remaining cash to buy a container full of gas, then instructed Benny to lead the way.

The scrap yard was still where Benny remembered, though it had obviously been abandoned some time ago, which made it an even better target. Dean tried not to think of Bobby as they wormed their way through a gap in the chain link fence and wandered through the piles of worn out cars, but it was tough. Bobby's auto yard had been an almost home to him and Sam for so long, it was hard to think that he would never again sit in Bobby's kitchen, drinking beer, discussing how to gank whatever monster they were hunting that week. Of course, Bobby's house itself had been destroyed months before Bobby was killed, but the scrap yard still brought memories of it sharply into focus.

The cars looked steadily more and more road-worthy as they got closer to the buildings at the centre of the lot, and Dean eventually picked one out that looked like it might have promise. He opened up the hood and winced at the state of the engine, but the parts were mostly all there, and he figured he could get it running without too much effort.

It felt good to get back under the hood of a car. It was something he was good at, something normal, that was connected to life before purgatory, and Dean found it grounded him more than anything else had since he'd been back. He had to scrounge a few parts from other cars around the yard to add to the one he'd selected but, before too long, he managed to get it started.

He threw a triumphant grin at Benny, who had been watching him work all the while.

"Time to hit the road?" the vampire drawled.

Dean's sense of achievement disappeared the first time the car made a horrible grinding noise as he changed gear.

"I can't wait to get my baby back," he growled. "Sam had better have been treating her right."

He felt Benny bristle beside him. "Your what now?"

Dean grinned over at him. "My car, dude," he said. "Though I should warn you, she will always be my first love. I'm looking forward to introducing the two of you." He sobered. "She got pretty banged up again in the assault on SucroCorp – I can't believe I let a demon drive her." He shuddered. "Sam will have fixed her up, though, I'm sure. He knows how much she means to me."

Benny snarled, showing his vampire teeth briefly.

"Sounds like I've got some competition on my hands," he grumbled.

Dean laughed. "Dude, you've got to work on your self-esteem if you're seriously going to be jealous of my car."

XXXXX

Dean found the next few days familiar, yet not. It was the old routine of driving all day, staying in cheap motels at night and hustling money out of unsuspecting strangers along the way, but it was the wrong car, and a very different passenger.

Benny's cage fighting turned out to be hugely successful, though. Despite spending fifty years in purgatory, Benny still knew how to find the fights in most of the places they stopped, and Dean found himself in the strange position of being able to watch Benny in action without having to worry about his own safety. He had initially wanted to take part in the fights as well, but had capitulated when Benny pointed out that they couldn't afford for him to get hurt. It rankled Dean just a little to be considered the fragile one, but he quickly started to enjoy the show. Benny skilfully pulled his punches just enough to be credible as human, and rarely had any trouble defeating several opponents in a row. Dean found watching him to be quite a turn-on, and Benny always left the cage full of adrenaline, so the sex afterwards was rough and exciting.

Obtaining blood was an entirely different matter. The first time they broke into the blood bank at a hospital, Dean felt dirty. He and Sam had pilfered medical supplies plenty of times, but it wasn't the same with something as difficult to replace as blood. He rationalised that it was far better than Benny attacking people, but it was still the least palatable aspect of the new regime.

Watching Benny sitting in the passenger seat of the car on the second day of their journey, sucking blood from the tube of a transfusion bag was more than a little disconcerting. Dean was particularly disturbed by the memories it dredged up.

"I was a vampire once, you know," he said, casually.

Benny did a double take. "You were what, now?"

"I'm not kidding," Dean said, thinking back. "It was about two years ago, after Cas pulled Sam out of hell minus his soul." He glanced over at Benny. "We were hunting a nest of vamps but we couldn't find their base so, when I got attacked by one of their recruiters, Sam let me get turned so I could infiltrate the group."

Benny stared at him. "He let you get turned?"

"Yep," Dean said, keeping his tone light, though the memory of Sam during that time gave him chills, despite the heat in the car. "Hunting with Sam was a whole barrel of laughs back then. Anyway, so I got inside the vamp headquarters and pretty much took out the whole nest single-handed. I gotta tell you – I don't miss the hunger one bit, but that super-strength and super-speed came in real handy."

"I don't understand," Benny said. "If you got turned into a vampire, how come you're human now?"

"Ah, now that was Sam's master plan," Dean told him. "We found out a while ago that vampires can be turned back into humans -" he continued quickly so as not to give Benny the wrong idea "- as long as the ritual is done before they feed for the first time. Being completely lacking in a sense of risk assessment or any kind of human feeling, my little brother figured me being turned would be the best way to get the job done." He twisted his features into an approximation of a smile. "Good times."

"How come you never told me this before?" Benny wanted to know.

Dean considered for a moment. "I guess I didn't think of it until now," he said. He nodded to the bag of blood in Benny's hand. "I think it was the smell of blood, reminded me what it was like to want it."

"But you didn't give in," Benny said. He looked down at the bag, then stuffed it in the glove compartment as if he wanted it out of sight. "You were strong enough to resist," he went on, his expression one of shame.

Dean suddenly wished he wasn't driving. With Sam, it always used to be easier to have conversations like this in the car, so they didn't have to look at each other while they talked. With Benny, though, it was different. In purgatory, touch had been one of their most important ways of communicating, not least because they had often been forced into silence for long periods so as not to alert the monsters to their location. He reached out with his right hand and laid it on Benny's knee.

"Don't be ridiculous, man," he said, though with affection. "I was a vampire for a few hours at most, and resisting the urge to feed is one of the hardest things I've ever done. And I knew it was only temporary, so I had strong motivation. You've got no way of changing what you are, but you've made the decision not to let it rule the way you live. That's way more impressive in my book."

"I guess there's still a lot we don't know about each other, huh?" Benny said.

"I guess so," Dean agreed. He thought back over the last few years and wondered how much of it he'd really want to revisit. He didn't come up with much. "And a lot of it's probably best off left that way," he said, wanting to pre-empt anything this conversation might prompt Benny to ask. "On both sides," he added, not sure he wanted to know about Benny's life before purgatory, either.

"Okay, I get it," Benny said. "We both have parts of our past we're not proud of, and what we have is about looking forward, not back. I can live with that." Dean focused on the road, but he could feel Benny's eyes on him. "But there are some things I think we need to talk about."

Dean's hands tightened on the wheel involuntarily. "Like what?" he asked.

Benny took a deep breath, as if gearing himself up for something unpleasant. "Like what happened to the angel," he said.

"Dammit, Benny, his name is Cas," Dean growled. The dismissive or outright hostile way in which Benny had always referred to and treated Cas had annoyed him from the start. He could understand it – Benny had never forgiven Cas either for abandoning Dean when they first arrived in purgatory or, conversely, for becoming the third wheel to their party after they found him again – but that didn't mean he liked it.

Benny raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry – Cas," he said. "But don't dodge the question. I know something happened that you don't want to talk about – and I want to know what it is."

Dean glared across at him for a moment. Why did Benny have to be so insistent?

"He didn't make it out," he ground out. "I left him behind, okay? I got up to the portal, and I was trying to pull him through, but I lost my grip and the portal closed before I could do anything." He thought back again to Cas' face as his fingers slipped through Dean's grasp. He put his foot down on the accelerator, wanting to escape the memory.

Now it was Benny's turn to reach out, putting his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean..." His voice petered out, as if he didn't know what to say. And what could he say? There was nothing either of them could do for Cas now. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"Yeah, well," Dean said, shrugging off Benny's touch. "It is what it is."

That night, Benny held Dean tightly after they had sex, his cool arms strong around Dean's body and his presence solid at Dean's back. But it did little to fill the hole inside that was Dean's anger at Cas for falling, and his anger at himself for letting him go.

XXXXX

End of Chapter One – story concludes in Chapter Two – coming soon!

How will Sam react to Dean and Benny? How will Dean react to Sam's reaction? And how will Benny react to Dean's reaction to Sam's reaction?

Let me know if you want to find out!

XXXXX


	2. Chapter 2

Back to Reality

by

Alobear

Author's Note: Herewith the conclusion of this melodramatic tale.

XXXXX

Chapter Two – The Confrontation

The stolen car finally gave out altogether a hundred or so miles from their destination. They managed to hitch-hike as far as Kalispeli, but then Dean suggested they walk the remaining fifteen miles to Whitefish, where the cabin was, in order to keep a low profile. They'd stocked up on blood the day before and they picked up some basic supplies for Dean on the way through town, so they were good for a few days.

The cabin was exactly the same as Dean remembered it from the last time he was there, down to the key under the rock by the door. Dean had been half hoping that Sam would have arrived before them, but there was no sign of the Impala as they made their way up the drive, and it was obvious on entering the cabin that nobody had been there for some time. Giving the place a once-over, Dean found a box containing several of his and Sam's cell phones, making it less likely that Sam had even received any of his messages.

"Let's at least give it a few more days," Benny said, when he expressed his misgivings. "He could have been clean across the country when you called, and still be on his way."

"We were clean across the country, dude," Dean pointed out, "and he's got a decent car."

There wasn't much else they could do but wait, though. Dean had no idea where Sam might be, or any way of getting in touch with him directly, other than the messages he had left. He charged one of the phones he'd found and ran through the speed dial numbers, until he came across Garth's name in the list. Much as he had little faith in Garth's abilities as a hunter, he was about the only person left alive who might conceivably know where Sam was. He hit the call button.

"Hello?" the familiar voice answered.

"Hey, Garth," Dean said. "It's Dean."

"Man, is it good to hear from you!" Garth said enthusiastically. "Where have you guys been?"

"Long story," Dean said, really not wanting to get into details with Garth. He continued casually, "Say, you don't happen to know where Sam is right now, do you?"

"He's not with you?" Garth sounded confused. "No clue, Dean. Sorry. I've kinda been keeping track of all the hunters I know for a while, but I haven't heard word one from or about either of you for over a year. What the hell happened to you guys?"

"Like I said, long story," Dean repeated, his mind racing. How could there have been no news of Sam among the hunter community for the whole time he'd been in purgatory? "Okay, thanks, Garth."

"But, wait – what-?"

Dean disconnected the call, cutting off Garth's continued questions. He was now really worried about what might have happened to Sam.

He told Benny what he had found out – or, rather, failed to find out.

"If no-one we know has heard anything about him since the attack on SucroCorp, that means he must have cut himself off from other hunters for some reason," Dean said, pacing up and down the room. "Or, something happened to him." He stopped and looked up at Benny, panic starting to rise in his chest.

"It don't have to mean something bad," Benny said. "Maybe he just ain't been feeling all that social."

"But if he was looking for me, Garth and the other hunters would be his first port of call," Dean said, thinking it through. "They might not be the brightest bulbs in the box, but they're the only ones left who would be able to help him figure out what happened to me and Cas." He started pacing again. "We killed Dick Roman, but there were plenty of other leviathans still in the building, not to mention Crowley hanging around, no doubt waiting to see who came out on top. I just assumed Sam managed to get out in once piece, but it's actually far more likely he didn't." He ran his hands through his hair. "Damn, Benny, I was so fixated on what happened to me, it didn't occur to me he might be..." He trailed off, unwilling to put his thoughts into words, as if they couldn't come true if he didn't say them out loud.

Benny crossed the room and took hold of Dean's hands, bringing them down to his sides. He locked gazes with Dean, his blue eyes steady.

"Hey, calm down," he said. "No point getting all twisted up about it until we know what the story is. For all we know, he's gonna drive up in that car of yours any time now. It's already been a year – whatever happened back then, it's not gonna hurt us waiting a few more days."

Benny pulled Dean into a hug, one hand in his hair, the other caressing the small of his back.

"If he don't show up in a couple of days, we'll figure out our next move then," he said.

Dean brought his arms up and clutched Benny tightly. "Shit, man, I'm glad you're here," he said shakily.

"Me too," Benny murmured.

XXXXX

Dean didn't get much sleep that night, and was on edge all morning, despite Benny's calming presence. Once he started thinking about all the awful things that might have happened to Sam in the last year, it was difficult to stop. He dug through the supplies in the cabin and put together a monster-detecting kit, comprised of holy water, borax and a silver knife.

"Just to be safe," he told Benny, when the vampire asked him what he was doing. Benny didn't comment, but Dean knew he was just humouring him.

Shortly after noon, the most beautiful sound reached Dean's ears. It was the rumble of the Impala's engine, something he would recognise anywhere. He leapt up from the kitchen table and bounded to the window.

"He's here!" he exclaimed to Benny, who regarded him with an expression like a parent indulging the over-excitement of a small child.

"See?" Benny said. "He's fine."

"I'll believe that once I've checked he's human," Dean replied, darkly, his heart racing with a combination of fear and anticipation.

He positioned himself to one side of the door, watching as Sam pulled up, got out of the car and made his way up the path. By the time Sam opened the door and stepped inside, Dean was practically vibrating with tension. He waited until Sam was fully inside, then slammed the door behind him and wrestled him to the ground. Sam yelped and started to struggle, but not very effectively. Dean squirted him with holy water to no effect, other than making Sam splutter.

"What the...?" Sam said, then protested, "I'm not a demon!"

Undeterred, Dean grabbed the borax and sprinkled it liberally over his brother. There was still no discernible reaction.

"Or a leviathan!" Sam exclaimed.

But Dean wasn't quite done. Without a word, he grabbed Sam's arm and sliced his silver knife across the exposed skin. A line of blood appeared and Sam winced, but nothing else.

"Or a shifter," Dean declared with satisfaction, rocking back on his heels. He stood up. "Good," he said. "My turn."

He held out the bottles of monster-detecting liquids to Sam, who was still sprawled on the floor. Sam looked up at him in disbelief.

"I don't need to," he said. "I know it's you."

"Dammit, Sammy," Dean said, annoyed that Sam's instincts had apparently softened during their separation. After all they had been through, Dean considered it vitally important that they start out completely confident of each other's humanity. He threw holy water and borax over himself, then held out the silver knife to Sam, who was in the process of clambering to his feet. "Come on!"

Sam was adamant. "No, Dean, can I just say hello?"

Dean glared at him, then pushed his sleeve up and drew the knife across his own arm, presenting the resulting blood to Sam as if it was some kind of prize. Testing now over, he finally took a deep breath and regarded his brother calmly, suddenly somewhat awkward after a year's separation.

"Right, well, let's do this," he said.

Sam huffed out a breath, still rather off balance. "I don't know whether to give you a hug, or take a shower," he said a bit shakily.

Benny snorted from the other side of the room, and Sam whirled towards the sound, immediately on guard. Part of Dean was pleased that at least some of Sam's reflexes were still intact, while the rest of him cranked up to extreme nervousness again at the prospect of explaining Benny.

"Who's this?" Sam asked suspiciously.

Benny waved him off. "Give your brother a hug already," he said with a smile. "Introductions can wait."

Sam turned back to Dean uncertainly, and Dean gave him an awkward smile. Then he opened his arms and said, "Come here."

Sam stepped forwards into his embrace, bringing up his arms to return the hug.

When they broke apart, Sam ran his hands through hair that was longer than Dean remembered, an expression of incredulity on his face.

"You're freaking alive," he said, apparently having forgotten Benny for the moment. "I mean, what the hell happened?"

Dean went for humour, not willing as yet to go into the horrors of the last year. "Well, I guess standing too close to exploding Dick sends your ass straight to purgatory."

"You were in purgatory?" Sam repeated. "For the whole year?"

"Yeah, well," Dean said, struggling to maintain the light tone. "Time flies when you're running for your life." He shook off the memories and turned to where Benny was waiting patiently for them to notice him again. "Anyway, this is Benny. He's the one who got me out."

"Well, then," Sam said moving towards Benny and holding out his hand. "In that case, I owe him big-time. Thanks for saving my brother, man."

Benny gave him a self-deprecating smile. "Wasn't nothing, really," he said, taking Sam's hand and shaking it. "We pretty much saved each other, so the debt's already paid."

Dean held his breath, waiting for the inevitable reaction. Sam gripped Benny's hand for a moment, then his eyes widened, and he dropped it like it was a hot coal. Though, of course, it was actually cold rather than hot, giving away Benny's unlife. Sam backed away, then turned to look at Dean, his eyes wide.

Benny cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I, uh, guess you two have a lot to talk about. I'll leave you to it."

He moved towards the door, but Dean stopped him with a raised hand. "No, Benny, stay." He regarded Sam sternly. "Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of him."

Sam continued to look back and forth between them, seemingly uncertain where to begin.

"It's okay, Dean," Benny said. He drew up next to Dean and put a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be better if I'm not here. I'll just go for a walk. Come find me when you're done."

Dean desperately didn't want him to leave, since that would force him to face Sam's inevitable disapproval and lack of understanding alone. But he knew Benny was right, that he and Sam would have to talk about the situation and that Benny being there would just make it more complicated. So, he nodded and watched disconsolately as Benny made his way outside. As soon as the door closed behind him, Sam exploded.

"What the hell, Dean?" he demanded. Apparently, there wasn't going to be any preamble before they got to the shouting part. That at least hadn't changed. "You're gone for a year and then you suddenly turn up with him?"

Dean held up his hands in an appeasing gesture. "Let me explain," he said, hating the fact that he was immediately on the defensive. "We met in purgatory, and Benny knew where the exit was. We fought the other monsters together – he saved my life more times than I can count."

Sam snarled. "He's a vampire, Dean!"

Dean tried desperately to keep his voice even. "I know that, Sammy," he said. "But aren't you the one who's always telling me it's not as black and white as that? What about Lenore, or Amy?"

Sam wasn't about to be appeased. "Oh, so suddenly now you're on the 'monsters aren't all bad' team?" he all but yelled. "Whatever this Benny guy did, it must have been a hell of an eye-opener to get the great Dean Winchester to look past what he is. What was it – did he blow you in purgatory?"

Dean felt the heat rush into his cheeks, but he held Sam's gaze defiantly, refusing to be ashamed of his relationship with Benny.

Sam goggled at him. Then he threw his hands in the air and turned away, starting to pace up and down the room.

"Oh, now it all makes sense!" he proclaimed. "After all the crap you gave me about Ruby, you're letting a vampire lead you around by the dick. Of course!"

Dean started to get angry. He guessed it was predictable that Sam would make the Ruby comparison, but he wasn't about to let it slide.

"It wasn't like that," he growled, knowing that he sounded exactly like Sam when the positions had been reversed, and also knowing that the outcome would likely be the same. He sighed. "But there's no point me trying to convince you of that. You'll never be able to understand what it was like there, what we had to do to survive."

"Oh, really?" Sam furrowed his brow, the little hurt expression he always got when he thought Dean was leaving him out of something. "I suppose he's the only one who will ever understand what you went through." His voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"Much as you make it sound like an after school special, actually yes," Dean shot back. "I'm sorry if you feel left out but, trust me, you don't want to be able to understand this. I'm glad you didn't have to go through it, and you should be too!"

"Believe me, I am," Sam said. "If hooking up with a vampire was a prerequisite to getting out, you're welcome to the experience." He blinked and changed tack. "What about Cas? Wasn't he there?"

Dean closed his eyes, relieved to get off the subject of Benny for a moment, but less than enthused about having to explain the Cas situation again.

"Yeah, Cas didn't make it," he said, willing Sam not to ask for more details, but knowing that wasn't going to happen.

Sure enough, Sam immediately said, "What exactly does that mean?"

Dean sighed. "Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy towards the end, and he just let go."

"So you left without him?" Sam's voice went up a notch. "You rescued a vampire but left Cas behind?"

Dean winced, Sam's words echoing his own thoughts far too closely. "Don't you dare judge me!" he retorted. "You have no idea what happened. I tried so hard to get him out, too. I just -" He broke off, unable to explain. He looked at Sam beseechingly, silently begging him not to pursue the subject.

Mercifully, Sam seemed to get the message. "Okay, I'm sorry," he said, though Dean could tell the conversation was far from over.

"So, you," he said quickly, grabbing at an alternate subject like a lifeline. "I can't believe you're actually here." He crossed to the fridge and grabbed a beer. "You know that half your numbers are out of service? Felt like I was leaving messages in the wind."

"Yeah," Sam said, suddenly looking shifty. "I didn't get most of the messages."

Dean raised his eyebrows in enquiry. "How come?" he asked.

Sam shoved his hands in his pockets and ducked his head. Dean had no idea what he was hiding, but it was obviously something he thought Dean wouldn't like.

"Probably because I ditched the phones." Sam looked at him, his brow creased in a familiar expression of consternation.

"Because?" Dean prompted. This was starting to get like pulling teeth.

"I guess," Sam said hesitantly, "because something happened to me this year, too. I don't hunt any more."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You quit?"

Sam straightened, his attitude shifting again from guilty to defiant. "Yeah," he said. "You were gone, Dean. Cas was gone. Bobby was dead. I mean, Crowley even shipped Kevin and Meg to parts unknown."

"So you just turned tail on the family business?" Dean said. Of all the reasons behind Sam's radio silence for the past year, this explanation hadn't even crossed his mind.

Sam responded with sarcasm. "Nothing says family quite like the whole family being dead."

"I wasn't dead," Dean said, indignantly.

"No," Sam retorted. "Apparently, you were getting jiggy with a vampire in purgatory. Well, forgive me for not feeling guilty about not looking for you when you were obviously having such an awful time without me."

Dean stopped and stared. He wasn't sure he'd heard the last few words correctly. "You didn't even look for me?"

He waited for Sam to refute the statement, but Sam just looked back at him.

Dean felt ice running down the back of his neck, but still couldn't quite grasp what Sam had just revealed. "Good," he said, his mind scrabbling to rationalise what was happening. "That's good. We always told each other not to look for each other. That's smart. Good for you." After the initial shock of Sam's revelation, though, the anger was slowly building. "Of course, we always ignored that, because of our deep, abiding love for each other, but not this time, right, Sammy?"

Sam glared back, unapologetic. "Well, it seems you didn't need me to look for you this time. Why would you need me when you apparently now have the deep, abiding love of a vampire? Far be it from me to get in the way of love's young dream." He gestured towards the door. "Go on – he's probably pining away for you out there."

Dean felt his hands clenching at his sides and knew it wouldn't take much more for him to resort to punching Sam in the face. Rather than give in to that growing urge, he decided to take the offered escape from the argument, turning on his heel and stalking out without another word.

XXXXX

Benny was down by the lake. He turned at the sound of Dean's footfalls on the jetty, his expression apprehensive.

"Well, the only way that could have gone worse is if Sam had turned out to actually be a leviathan," Dean said as he approached.

"I'm sorry," Benny said. "Maybe I shouldn't have come with you after all. I really don't want to cause trouble between you and your brother."

"It's not you, man," Dean told him. "I mean, sure, Sam wasn't exactly wild about you, but there's other stuff between me and him." He explained what Sam had said about not looking for him. When he was finished, he sighed heavily, his anger suddenly dissolving. Why was it that Sam could push his buttons so effectively that it was impossible to think clearly when they were in the middle of an argument? "I guess I shouldn't really be mad. I know all he's ever wanted is a normal life, so it makes sense that he'd take the chance once I wasn't there any more to keep him tied to hunting. It's always been me keeping him from what he really wanted."

Benny gripped Dean's upper arms, capturing and holding his gaze.

"You don't owe him anything, you know," he said softly, but there was steel underneath his words. "It's like the angel all over again. You get transported to purgatory, and what do they do? The angel runs away and your brother goes in search of a white picket fence. You spent so much energy trying to save Cas in purgatory when he didn't deserve or want it. And now you're twisting yourself into knots over Sam. Who gives a damn what he thinks about us now? He's lost the right to interfere with your life – if he ever had it to begin with."

Dean pulled away, turning his back.

"Don't do that, Benny," he said, putting a clear warning in his tone.

"Do what?" Benny asked.

"Talk about them like that," Dean said, turning back to face him. "I want to agree with you, man. But if you attack my family – and I do still count Cas as family – all it does is force me to defend them, and that makes you the bad guy."

"I'm sorry," Benny said, the soft drawl of his voice melting Dean's burgeoning anger before he could build himself up for a proper fight.

Benny closed the distance between them and took Dean's face in his hands, planting a kiss on his unresisting lips.

"I just don't like seeing you hurt, is all," he went on. "And on this subject, it's as much your fault as it is theirs, you know."

Dean jerked back, both stung and completely baffled by the accusation. "What?"

Benny sighed. "If you keep putting the two of them up on pedestals so high, they're just gonna keep disappointing you," he said. "Sure, they're weak and, sure, they've made mistakes. But nobody could live up to the expectations you lay on them." He paused and smiled. "Will you look at that? Now I'm defending them."

Dean felt his shoulders slump in defeat, not sharing the humour. "I hate it, but you're right. Sam's never going to accept that you're not evil, and I guess I can't blame him after what happened with Ruby."

"Ruby?" Benny queried.

Dean thought for a moment, trying to find the best way to describe the Ruby fiasco without having to go into too much detail. "Basically, she was a demon who seduced Sam a few years ago and convinced him she was working on our side. But it turned out she was playing us all along and manipulating Sam into helping Lucifer. We had pretty much the same argument I had with him just now about you, only with the roles reversed. So, anything I say to try and convince him you're okay, he can throw right back at me because it'll be something he said to persuade me to trust Ruby."

"How do you know he's not right?" Benny asked with a smile, evidently still trying to lighten the mood.

Dean made an effort to pull himself out of encroaching depression. "Well, unless you've been sneaking off every night to kill people while I wasn't looking..." he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Only in my dreams," Benny fired back.

Dean snorted. "Oh, so that's what the snarling in your sleep is all about, is it?"

"Nah," Benny said. "That's when I'm dreaming about you."

This time, Dean actually laughed. This was one of the things Benny did best, pulling him out of himself and stopping him from brooding too much. It had made their time in purgatory so much more bearable – that, and other things, of course. Thinking about purgatory brought him back to Sam again, though.

"So, I get the hostility towards you," Dean said. "But Sam's acting all jealous that we've shared something he can never understand. It's almost like he wishes he'd been to purgatory, too, but that's insane. Who would want to share that?"

"It brought us together, didn't it?" Benny pointed out. "And he's just scared."

"Of what?" Dean wanted to know. He was frustrated that he couldn't seem to figure out what was going on inside Sam's head. They'd spent so long travelling together, that they'd known the other one better than they knew themselves, but that closeness seemed to have evaporated in the time they'd been apart. They had both changed, and they no longer understood each other's priorities or reactions. Somehow, Benny was able to see what Dean couldn't, and it was driving Dean crazy that he had to get Benny to explain his brother to him.

"He just got you back," Benny said. "I think he's scared he's gonna lose you again."

They wandered back up the jetty and onto the path. Dean thought about what Benny had said, trying to see past the emotion to what was really important. They came to some rocks in the shade of a large tree and Dean sat down, Benny joining him but maintaining the silence.

Dean was severely conflicted. His sense of betrayal that Sam hadn't even tried to look for him warred with his relief that Sam was safe and his desire for Sam to be happy. Yes, he was hurt that Sam had apparently made no effort to find him after the confrontation at SucroCorp, but would he really have wanted his little brother to put himself in danger when he wouldn't have been there to back him up? Keeping Sam safe had been his responsibility since he'd been four years old, and Sam had been safe for a whole year without him; far safer, in fact, than for the previous seven years travelling the country with Dean. Was it really fair to expect Sam to give up the life he'd found in Dean's absence, just because Dean was now back? And did Dean really want to go back to being responsible for someone else, after spending a year with only his own survival to focus on?

That was what worked about his partnership with Benny – there was no one-sided sense of obligation. They were equals; they watched each other's backs, but neither one was wholly responsible for the other. It was freeing, knowing he could rely on Benny to be there, but not being consumed by concern for his safety. It actually made Dean a stronger hunter, removing the constant terror that had always accompanied him on hunts with Sam. He thought back to what he'd said when Benny had asked him about Sam before, and the solution when it came to him was so obvious, it nearly made him laugh out loud, while at the same time tearing out his heart because of what it would mean for him and his brother.

He looked over at Benny. "I think I know what I have to do," he said. "Can you wait out here a while longer?"

Benny smiled. "You take as much time as you need, Dean," he said. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Thanks, man." Dean leaned into Benny's shoulder for a moment, then got up and made his way back up to the cabin.

XXXXX

Sam was sitting at the kitchen table and looked up when Dean came back in. His eyes were troubled, as if he'd been thinking just as hard as Dean in the last few minutes.

"Look, man, I'm sorry..." he said immediately, but Dean cut him off.

"It's okay, Sammy, really," he said, and meant it. "You had no way of knowing what to do. Hell, even if you'd known exactly where I was, I don't think there would have been anything you could have done to get me out." He took another beer out of the fridge, offered it to Sam, and retrieved the one he'd left on the table. He sat down and faced his brother. "So, tell me, what happened to you while I was gone?"

Sam's expression changed, something like joy suffusing his features and masking the pain and uncertainty. "I met someone," he said, simply, a smile playing around his lips. "Her name's Amelia. She's a vet." He looked across at Dean, as if seeking his approval. "We've been living together in Texas."

Dean took a swig of his beer, happiness and sadness mixing in his mind as he swallowed. "That's great, Sammy," he said. He quirked his lips in a smile. "So, we've both been getting some this year, huh?"

Sam huffed out a breath, not taking the bait. "I guess so," he said. "It's complicated with Amelia," he continued, "but then what isn't? And it's not complicated by monsters, angels or the apocalypse. It's all messed-up, normal, human stuff, that I can fix. And that's what I realised when I was driving up here, thinking about you being back and what that would mean. I want to fight for what I have with Amelia." He took a deep breath. "I don't want to start hunting again."

Dean smiled, his heart in his throat. "And I'm not asking you to," he said. "I'm glad you've found something normal – it's what you always wanted. And it wouldn't be fair for me to drag you back into our old life. I've been fighting monsters this whole year, and it's what I'm good at, it's what feels right to me. But that doesn't mean it's right for you. And I don't have to hunt alone; I've got Benny now, and we make a great team." He grinned. "The monsters out there won't know what hit them."

"So, what then?" Sam asked, his brow furrowing. "You go off hunting with Benny, and I just go back to Amelia?"

"Why not?" Dean replied. "Seems like the perfect solution to me."

Dean realised that what had happened to them both in the last year demonstrated the fundamental difference between him and Sam. He had found the perfect hunting partner, a killing machine with a heart, someone he could share his mess of a life with and not have to worry about protecting. Sam had found a partner of a different sort, someone who fixed broken animals for a living, and who had given Sam the opportunity to give up hunting altogether and have something normal.

It meant the time for them to part company had finally come. Sam had a life now, one with a future, and so did Dean. They were just travelling in completely opposite directions. It ought to be a good thing – they had both found someone who made them happy and allowed them to pursue the things that were important to them. It was just that they'd hunted together for so long, going their separate ways was going to be a wrench, no matter how good the circumstances.

None of this needed to be said out loud. Dean knew Sam was following through the implications in his head, just as he himself was.

"But that would mean..." Sam trailed off.

"Yeah, I know," Dean said. It would mean saying goodbye. It would mean possibly never seeing each other again. It wasn't as if Dean could bring Benny to Thanksgiving dinner at Sam and Amelia's house.

Dean cleared his throat. "It's the right thing to do, Sammy," he said. "For both of us. But you will be careful, right? Benny and I are probably going to start making trouble in a big way, and I don't want the backlash to fall on you. You'll find a way to put some wards up or something, won't you?"

Sam nodded. "And you'll call every now and then to let me know you're okay?"

Dean nodded back. "Don't worry," he said lightly. "You won't get rid of me that easily."

Sam smiled. "So, I guess I'd better meet this Benny of yours properly, shouldn't I?"

Dean's heart leaped. "Really?" he said, finding it difficult to believe that Sam could change his mind about something that quickly.

"Well," Sam prevaricated, "I can't say I'm entirely convinced, but it's obvious nothing I say is going to make any difference, so what the hell?"

Dean went outside and brought Benny back in with him. Sam and Benny were both wary of each other at first, but clearly making an effort to set aside their misgivings for Dean's sake. Dean was grateful to both of them for it, until they both relaxed and started telling anecdotes about him that he'd really rather they didn't.

After Sam had made dinner, and he and Dean had eaten it – Dean was relieved when Benny didn't break out the blood bags at the dinner table – it struck Dean that if he had been trying to get hold of Sam, others might have, too. He collected the box of discarded phones, and went through them, checking the voicemail of each.

Sure enough, he found a handful of messages on one of them from Kevin Tran, spanning the course of several months, and shifting from frightened to desperate to angry to resigned. As he listened to Kevin's voice, asking for help and eventually giving up on getting it, Dean started to get angry again. They'd brought Kevin to the attention of Crowley, and his safety had been their responsibility. It was fair enough that Sam hadn't tried to find Dean, but he should have tried to help Kevin. Dean stamped down on his rising anger, though. At this stage, there was very little point in taking Sam to task over the issue. They had reached an understanding, and agreed that Sam would go back to his life with Amelia, while Dean would continue hunting with Benny. What good would it do to make Sam feel worse about what had happened, when there was nothing he could do to rectify it now? Dean, on the other hand, could clean up this final mess of Sam's by trying to find Kevin and set things right.

He went back over to where the other two were sitting at the table.

"I've been checking your messages," he said to Sam lightly. "Seems Kevin got away from Crowley and is making it on his own."

"That's great news," Sam said. "I was worried about him."

Not worried enough to do anything about it, Dean thought, but held his tongue. What he did say was, "He could probably still use some help, though, so I figure Benny and I should look him up and check that he's okay." He looked to Benny. "It'd be a good way to get back in the game, find out what's been going on for the past year, who the players are, that kind of thing."

"Sure thing, Dean," Benny said. "I'm happy to follow your lead."

"So, you'll be leaving right away?" Sam asked.

"First thing in the morning," Dean said. "There's really no point in putting it off, Sammy. We've got work to do, and you've got a vet to get back to."

"I guess you're right," Sam agreed reluctantly.

XXXXX

The next morning, Dean went outside and checked over the Impala. It looked to be in pretty good shape, and he was really looking forward to getting back out on the road behind the wheel of his baby again. Sam had explained that he'd ditched most of their hunting gear when he decided to give up the job, but there were enough back-up supplies at the cabin for Dean to re-stock the trunk satisfactorily. Besides, he'd spent the last year fighting with nothing but the machete-cum-mace he'd picked up in purgatory and one knife, so he figured he could manage for the time being. He also took a couple of the phones, one for him and one for Benny, making sure Sam had both numbers and that he programmed Sam's new number into his speed dial.

When it came time for him and Benny to get going, he held onto Sam in a long hug that felt suddenly, brutally final. When they broke apart, they stared at each other for a long moment.

"Take care of yourself, Sammy," Dean said, his voice rough.

"You, too," Sam said, then called out to Benny. "I'm counting on you to prove me wrong. So, look after my brother, you hear?"

Benny doffed his cap in reply. "Will do," he said simply, getting into the car.

"I'll be in touch," Dean said, walking round to the driver's side door.

"You better," Sam said.

And that was it. Dean got into the car, settled into the familiar leather seat, and turned the key. He watched Sam in the rear view mirror as he drove away from the cabin, leaving his brother behind, perhaps forever.

After a moment, Benny asked softly, "You okay?"

Dean sighed. "Yeah, I think so," he replied, then sniffed. "Wait – do I smell dog in my car?"

THE END


End file.
